This craigslist job posting was really funny to me for some reason.  I paraphrased all the hilarity parts:

DO YOU WANT A SERIOUS JOB WHILE CARRYING A WEAPON?  DON'T WORRY, THERE ARE A FEW UNARMED POSITIONS STILL AVAILABLE FOR INDIVIDUALS WHO WANT TO GAIN EXPERIENCE IN THE FIELD.

THEY WILL HELP YOU GET A GUN LICENSE SO YOU CAN WORK RIGHT AWAY IN A RECESSION PROOF ENVIRONMENT

IF YOU ARE SERIOUS ABOUT YOURSELF CLICK HERE TO START IMMEDIATELY! JOB MAY INVOLVES[sic] WORKING WITH THE FEDERAL RESERVE, BANKS AND OTHER FINANCIAL INSTITUTIONS IN THE 5 BORUGHTS[sic and lol].

I got some spam.  The only reason I clicked it was because I saw "ups.com."  Aah, so clever you spammers!  But the e-mail was pretty hilarious (my comments are red!):

UPS COURIER COMPANY
12 Air Port Road,G.R.A.
West Africa,
Wait, what, West Africa is a country??  Boy, my 20+ years of poring over atlases and maps were pretty much useless, then, if a piece of spam mail says otherwise!  And you couldn't come up with a better name than, "Air Port Road"?  Here, I'll give you a freebie: "Port Air Road."  GOLD!

.Good Day.I have been waiting for you since to contact me for your Confirmable
Bank  
Draft of $1,000,000,00 USD (One Million United Statest Dollars),but I did  not
hear
from you since that time. Then I went and deposited the Draft with Ups Courier
Express ,West Africa,I travelled out of the country for a 3 Months Course and I
will
not come back till end of June.
Unlike the Nigerian prince, this e-mail just gets right to the point!  Not even explaining why I'm even receiving a million dollars.  I can never get over how horribly spam messages rape the English language.  Is it on purpose?  "Look at my terrible command of the English language!  That means I'm foreign!"  No.  No, it does not.

I want you to try all your best and contact the UPS COURIER SERVICE as soon  as
possible to know when you will get this package because of the expiring  
date.For your
information,I have paid for the Security Keeping Fee, Insurance premium and
Clearance
Certificate Fee of the Cheque showing that it is not a Drug Money or meant to
sponsor
Terrorist attacking your Country. [Emphasis mine]
So when I don't send money with a Clearance Certificate Fee, I am inadvertently funding the terrorists?  UH oh...

The only money you will send to the Ups Courier Express to deliver your  Draft
direct
to your postal Address in your country is $250 Us Dollars only.Being Delivering
Charge
Fee of the Courier Company so far. Again,don't be  deceived [Emphasis mine] by any person to pay
any
other money except $2500 Us Dollars being  the Delivering Charge .I would have
paid
that but they said no because they don't know when you will contact them and in
case
of demurrage. You have to contact the UPS COURIER SERVICE now for the delivery
of your
Draft with this below information.
Lol @ "demurrage," the different amounts, and telling me not to be deceived.  The ironing is delicious.  Also, why would it cost 250 to deliver a check?  It only costs like five United Statest dollars to deliver a magazine from Japan.

===========================================
Contact Person: Mr. Charles B. Anderson
Email Address: contactups01@gmail.com
Telephone: +234 8036-900-550
===========================================
Lastly, You are advice to send the below information to the Courier Company:Your
Full
Name:
Postal address:
Direct telephone number:
Country:
Marital Status:
Occupation:
Age:
Sex:
Do send it to them again to avoid any mistake on the Delivery and ask them  to
give
you the tracking number to enable you track your package over there and know
when it
will get to your address.
LMAO, the Courier Company wants to know my marital status, occupation, and sex, why?  When they send it over, will they ask these things to verify my identity?

Yours Faithfully,
Mrs.Kate Hegedus
I'm contemplating sending a bullshit message back, like...
Full Name: Naomi Campbell
Postal address: 123 Fake Street
Direct telephone number: 1-800-HOT-SEXY
Country: Rand McNally
Marital Status: 6-time divorcée
Occupation: Getting hit by oncoming cars and then suing the drivers for money
Age: 6000
Sex: Anal

Holy crap is Joe Barton retarded.  Oh sorry, that's offensive to all retarded people.  And oil comes from trees!  My brain is just agape at all this ignorance, so much so I can't even form a proper response.  So I'll talk about a(nother) really weird dream again.

My high school volleyball coach invited everyone out to Kansas City MO for some reason, so we all got on a plane.  We met at the train station to get on the airplane.  Not, "we met at the train station to get to the airport to get on the plane," but the train was taking us to the plane.  So we got on the plane and we were talking about how we had to take the train there because planes don't go to Kansas City, Missouri WHILST WE WERE ON A PLANE.  Then it started shaking because of turbulence or something, but the pilot warned us of it before it started shaking because he was psychic or something.

I bought thirty-dollar boots!  It originally cost a hundred!  And I bought my mom's shoes too so I got a free tote bag at DSW.  The tote is nice, but it has a magnetic snap closure and I like zippers.  Also, I have too many shoes.  I never thought I'd live to see the day when I'd have more than one pair of shoes.  That is, I've always scoffed at women who go shoe crazy like on Sex and or in or on the City.  I don't have A LOT a lot, but let's say like more than ten pairs, and a couple of them look really busted because I can't bear to throw them away 'cuz they haven't gotten any holes yet.  I would probably buy even more shoes if my feet weren't such humongous tugboats.  And poor.

I saw a pair of Pumas that looked really nice, but they cost $65; maybe they'll go into the clearance section soon, hint hint?  Ah, but I can't find it on DSW.com, that sucks.  I really hate when I see something on the site, but not in the store (understandable), but I hate even more when I see something in store, but not on the site.

(This entry had a lot more exclamation points before I edited it.  I've always hated exclamation points because they look so insincere.  In a OMIGOD I'M SO HAPPY!!!!!!! sort of way.)

Here's how you can get the free tote bag, too:

Currently Caprica By Eric Stoltz, Michelle Andrew, Roger R. Cross, Magda Apanowicz, Genevieve Buechner see related

So guess what?  Microsoft sucks.  No surprise there, though, huh?  It was Microsoft Office 2007's fault.  When I try to print from that, it somehow makes the paper tray light blink incessantly and annoyingly.  I'm pretty sure I've printed from 2007 before on my computer, so it might be a virus or something.  Or I might not have printed, things are a bit cloudy.  I'm not sure.  I'm just sure that Microsoft blows.  Yet you know what?  Microsoft Works works at printing.  Shock! I have OpenOffice, but I don't like it nearly as much as I thought I would.  I mostly just have it for no reason except taking up HD space on Vista, and it's pretty much a given on Linux, which I've installed on that busted-ass laptop I mentioned previously.

Oh, and that person paid their auction, finally, but another problem has arisen: I mistakenly titled wrong another auction!  D'oh!  The description did have the correct details, as did the pictures, but to cover my ass I messaged them this morning and am still awaiting a reply.  Sigh, liability.

I keep mistaking C.O.D. for Cash on Demand, which is -- admit it -- awesome.

What Your Peanut Butter And Jelly Sandwich Means

Your eating style is reserved. You are a bit of a fussy eater, and you have very specific ways you like your food prepared. You have an average sweet tooth. While you enjoy desserts, they aren't exactly your downfall. Your taste in food tends to be pretty flexible. You may crave sushi one night, and your favorite childhood recipe the next. You are probably a fairly normal, upper middle class person. You don't rock the boat too often. You are a tough person who isn't afraid to live life fully. There isn't a lot that scares you. You are laid back and extremely easygoing. You never make a fuss, and you try to enjoy every moment.

Your Personality at 35,000 Says...

Deep down, you prefer spending time alone to spending time with others. You enjoy thinking more than talking. You are not too sure what your place in the world is yet. You often feel invisible in a crowd. Your gift is having good ears. You are naturally musical, and you pick up foreign languages easily. You are inspired by great thinkers and heroes. You find human accomplishment riveting. You are happy but often stressed out. If you can slow down and appreciate life, you enjoy it a lot more.

What Your City Walk Means

You are thoughtful and contemplative. You enjoy spending time alone with your thoughts.     You are generally confident and friendly with strangers. You are well mannered and sociable.     Money is fairly important to you. You aren't super greedy, but you enjoy spending money on yourself.     You tend to seek comfort, coziness, and stability in your life. For you, feeling at home is the best feeling ever.